Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
