the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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