My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
