Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
