I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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