Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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