On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Sext me about skeletons
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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