your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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