If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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