dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well I just put wine in my tea
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
