On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
