Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
