Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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