As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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