So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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