So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
