after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What happened to fro yo and sex?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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