Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
