I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
