we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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