She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
