Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
