I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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