and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
