Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
