Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
