After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
