Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
