remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize