I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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