...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
