Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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