I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
