why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
