sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
