its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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