Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize