He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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