Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
