Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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