she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
