i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
