It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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