Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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