i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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