OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
