Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
