just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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