I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
