I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize