just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
