My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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