Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize