i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
