Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
