pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
