Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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