i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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