question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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