And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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