shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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