I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
