i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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