I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
After last night, I could never be a politician.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
