Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Everything about him screamed your future.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
