well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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