She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
