she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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