What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
