I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
