I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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